I was going to devote this post to a long rant describing, blow-by-blow, the maddening story of what happened to me last night at my local grocery store that starts with an "S" and ends in "afeway." However, I decided after some reflection (and a 24 hour cooling off period) to drop a large portion of the ranting and focus on the takeaway point (sorry for the "bullshit bingo" language there).
I had a grumpy old white guy jump in front of me in line last night at the store and then proceed to be really nasty to me about it. I stuck up for myself (verbally), after which two women about my age told me to GROW UP. Grow up? For sticking up for myself? For something else? I didn't get it. Then I realized that I've heard that phrase, which had never in my adult life been uttered to me, twice in the last 6 months. Hmmmmm. Both times it was here in the suburbs of Folsom, both times by women about my age who didn't know me or anything about me, both times they were looking me up and down - finally settling on my hair. (FYI: We moved here 10 years ago for the city advertised "open space" and working class neighbors - since then most of the land has been paved over and has either malls or McMansions built on it. Yay Folsom.)
Sigh. OK. I get it. Let's face facts here - I never expected everyone to LOVE the pink hair, but I do and seriously, it really doesn't hurt a single person. I know some people will judge me poorly because of it, but seriously, unless you live with me, what do you care if I spend one day a month dying my shower bright pink? When did hair color become a punishable offence? Geez. I was feeling pretty beaten down and sad. I started wondering why I bothered to NOT be a total dick to people since it didn't seem to be getting me anywhere. Then, this afternoon, in a moment of synchronicity, I became aware of an awesome website that I hope all of you will visit and that at least some of you will accept the challenge: operationNICE.com It's just what I needed. Not only will I continue to NOT be mean, I'm going to go out of my way to do something nice for someone every day that I leave my house, no matter how small a gesture I make.
So there. Take that. [me sticking my tongue out at the mean people at the store]
Rock on. Be cool. Make art. Have fun. Do nice stuff.
It is so unfortunate that these crabby assholes have to ruin it for the rest of us! I've always believed in doing nice things for people, it's amazing how a smile will return a smile. I'm so done with people judging others, we are all unique and free to express our individuality in which ever way we choose. Love ya girl!
ReplyDelete~ Nina
Good for you! I would have ranted for days and probably at length on my blog. I don't think I could have turned it into something positive so fast. I'm impressed. Go you.
ReplyDeleteBeing nice rawks! Good for you!
ReplyDeleteOh Folsom strikes again.
ReplyDeleteWhen I wear my hair in pigtails I get the same looks. If someone had the balls to tell me to grow up, I wouldn't be responsible for my actions.
Good for you for taking the high road. Don't let the Desperate Housewives of Folsom get you down.
General: Why are so many Americans in such a big hurry to be and look exactly like everyone else?
ReplyDeleteAnd specifically, who needs growing up, the guy who took cutsies and then yelled at the cuts-ee (knowing he was wrong) or the gal who spoke up for herself? That man needs a trip to the principal's office.
I confess incidents like that sometimes make me cry.
Sorry you experienced that.
Fight the beige! Rage against the dying of the pink!
Thanks everyone! The laughs you've given me almost make up for Mr. Cranky Butt and the Mombies (p.s. Tami - the first time I got the GROW UP recommendation, I was in pigtails since I'd just returned from the gym).
ReplyDeleteI hereby invite you ALL to post your "good deeds" here! If you post on your own blogs, please feel free to link to your post in a comment. Let's kill 'em with kindness!
Not to detract from your very worthy point (I'm all for random acts of kindness, in the very least because they add a surreal cast to the day and tend to confuse stupid people, which can be fun to watch), but the thing that really chafes my hide about people feeling the need to bitch you out in line isn't that they told you to "grow up." I learned a long time ago that if you choose to stand out in a crowd you're going to get shit for it, and that's, let's be honest here folks, part of the reason you choose to stand out in a crowd.
ReplyDeleteAll the hair crimes I committed in my youth (and I'd surely be committing more of them if my hair hadn't gone into early retirement) were at least partially motivated by a desire to make straights/normals/squares uncomfortable in their own skins. And when you make someone uncomfortable you are going to get a reaction. A lot of the time that reaction isn't going to be very pleasant. So, yeah, it sucks that a couple of momdroids decided to mouth off to you, but that's par for the course unless you live in NYC, Paris, London or some other place where the only way to stand out is to light yourself on fire (and even that won't cut it in NYC).
No, what really bugs me isn't that a couple of squares were outraged by your pink hair and decided to speak up about it, it's that there are loads of really heinous and shitty things going on daily all around us that these same folks never say a word about. Be mean and rude to one of your neighbors in a grocery store over hair dye choices = fine. Call your local state assembly representative or Senator to demand they pass a budget so your kids' teachers can continue to get paid on time = beyond the pale.
I'm ok with outrage. I just really wish that people would reserve it for something worthwhile.
Oh, and I think the pink is so you, Krissi.
I love you, Joe.
ReplyDeleteYou're right - I knew the job was dangerous when I took it. Folks get uncomfortable and ask all kinds of questions I would categorize as rude (like "do you LIKE that?), but I take it in stride and answer the questions ("I sure do!"). A few little kids point and say, "MOMMY! HER HAIR IS PINK!" to which I respond with a smile, "It sure is!" About half the time their mom is hiding the offending finger and shushing them. The other half they ask how I get it that color - and I always tell them.
Here's a story of the last time I was outraged: Two women around the corner were letting their training pants aged kids run around in our cul-de-sac UNSUPERVISED where people speed around the corner. One kid was crying hysterically 'cause a neighborhood dog (big) had gotten loose and scared her. After I noticed the scared little kid, I went outside, got the dog and took him home. After that, I suggested the kids go back home where their Mom or Dad could keep an eye on them. A few minutes later the kids were back with bicycles. When I went outside, two women appeared walking quickly around the corner yelling at me to leave their kids alone. After a heated discussion, her departing words were ... yep, you guessed it... "grow up."
So tell me, who's the grownup here? The gossipy women who let their 3-6 year olds play unsupervised in the street or the weird animal-owning artist around the corner who is worried about those kids?
Apparently according to Millgram, very few people in the U.S. (at least at the time of the study) object to line jumpers. http://www.spring.org.uk/2008/09/do-you-challenge-queue-jumpers-and-line.php
ReplyDeleteSadly, the "normal" and accepted behavior is to quietly accept this in our culture. It's actually more socially acceptable to not say anything.
That says a lot about how tolerant we as a culture are of the strong/abusive/bullying types taking advantage of others. You see this in other areas as well--e.g. the housing crisis is the fault of people who took out loans not the greedy bastards who provided the loans, pocketed the money, trashed the economy, and left the taxpayers--middle class and poor--to pick up the bill.
Kudos to you for saying something while the rest of the sheep around you bleet and then complain at you for calling bullshit on the wolf. You took a stand. You're not a sheep. It's important to note that the sheep are upset because the sheep don't mind being eaten themselves and are ashamed of their weakness and cowardice.
Kudus as well being able to refocus your attention to something more worthwhile.
The world is full of sheep. You're not one of them.
(Written by Biased Opinion)
Dear Biased Opinion,
ReplyDeleteRight back at ya!
You know when you're standing in line at the bank, or DMV, or Comcast, or post office, and you get called to the next open window? A couple of times I've been at the front of the line and apparently I don't leap to my check depositing/license renewing/cable-bill paying/package-picking-upping destiny quickly enough. Someone at the end of the line of 10 others will yell "You're next lady", or just "NEXT".
ReplyDeleteWTH?? Why? It will not get them to the front of the line ANY FASTER.
So once I was at the bank, up next, and I got the "NEEEEXT" screech from somewhere back to my left. I sort of knew I had an audience because I am friendly with two of the tellers who were working right there next to each other. I looked around at her and looked at her with huge eyes and clown stepped reeeeeallly slowly over to the teller, and everyone in line laughed and I'm guessing she felt kind of stupid, I hope. Heheh. Next time I might just give whoever says it a "Sieg Heil!" really loudly. I don't know.